Archive for November, 2009


To get back with ex after you’ve made mistakes, means you’re no doubt going to have to face some hard home truths! As sure as eggs is eggs making mistakes in relationships means you have to fix them and apologize for those mistakes before there can be any making up.

When you decide you want to get back with ex, you must be ready to face not only what has gone wrong with the relationship, but also your part in the break down of the relationship. If you made mistakes then don’t beat yourself up for that. We all make them, it’s what you do after the mistake that’s important.

So sit down on your own and take some time to go through what happened and what were the issues that led up to what happened. Don’t concern yourself too much with what you see as your ex’s mistakes, leave that for the future. Only concern yourself right now with what you can influence.

Whatever mistakes you find in your past behavior, can they be forgiven? Don’t be too eager to get down on yourself and believe that your mistakes are basically unforgivable. You would be surprised at the situations that couples find themselves in and that they later recover from. So don’t think that your mistakes are beyond forgiveness. There is always hope!

Try and pin point what was happening in your life at the time that led you to make the mistakes, especially if it was completely out of character for you. Remember what I said about facing hard truths, if you want to get back with ex, then you need to do this.

You might discover that you were under certain stresses and strains. Perhaps you were under threat at your job? Or you weren’t physically feeling yourself? Or perhaps there were other family issues. Whatever you find when you look back at what happened, you will eventually need to sit down with your ex and explain in detail just what you have found.

If your mistakes were the result of you just being thoughtless or selfish, then this is something about you and your character that can quite easily be fixed. It will take ongoing monitoring but if you are sincerely committed to get back with ex, then it is going to be worthwhile.

When you have come to the point where you have begun to gain perspective about your mistakes, then call your ex and arrange to meet. It is usually better to arrange a face to face meeting somewhere public and neutral because then there is less chance of either of you becoming emotional.

So, make sure that you stay calm and focused on what you want to say. Apologize and ask for forgiveness and then listen carefully to what your ex has to say.

First off, let’s start by saying, you saying “I want my wife back” is a good thing. There is nothing to be ashamed of, and no reason to think you are the only one in this world in your predicament. Over half the marriages around the world end up in divorce. So remember you are not alone, if you decide you still love your wife and you want her back; go for it.

If you want your wife back, then admitting that is the first step of possibly having her back in your arms. O.K. , now that you have admitted that; lets reflect on what is the reason you are without your wife now. If you were the reason why you don’t have your wife to begin with; then you have to admit that. As hard as it might be to say that it’s your fault, you have to do it. If you had an affair, you need to say that, if you took her for granted when she was nothing but good to you, then you need to say it.

The point is, what you need to do, no matter what it was you did; tell the truth. If your wife is not with you, than more than likely you need to change. By you admitting your faults and telling the truth, this means you are one step closer to getting her back. This is one way of letting her know that you are really trying to change.

The second thing that needs to be corrected is the communication between you and your wife. Chances are, there wasn’t any communication at all, and this is one of the biggest downfalls in a relationship. To many times people go without saying what is really on their mind; rather they are scared to say it or thought it would not matter.

Things that you and wife were scared to say or thought it would not matter; those things start to add up. Before you know it, little things that are not said turn into big things; then the talking stops all together. Chances are, your wife knows this, and by you acknowledging this is a problem, you are taking a step in the right direction.

Also remember, you both are going to have opinions and hers may be different. It is ok to have different opinions. Respect her opinion, and remember she is an individual just like you are. These small changes can help you get your wife back. Now that your inspired, and are screaming “I want my wife back” to anyone that will listen, don’t forget to tell her.

Well, does my ex still love me? Hmmm, let’s think about that one for a minute. Ok! I’m done. Does it matter if your ex still loves you or not? I guess it could if you still had feelings for your ex. However, if she or he does still love you; then why are they your ex? Have you thought about that one yet?

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with wondering if someone still has feelings for you. Matter of fact, it is perfectly natural to wonder these things about a flame you once had. Heck, I have sat back and remembered 25 years ago in high school about a girl I dated, from our freshman year till our senior year, and wondered if she still had old feelings about me.

There is nothing wrong with thinking about the past every now and again. Just wondering… But then you come to the reality of it, and realize, “Hey, they are my ex for a reason”. However, if curiosity gets the best of you, go ahead and give it a shot. You will never know what will happen unless you do.

However, if you are willing to find out if that ex still has feelings for you; be ready for anything. Common sense will tell you anything can happen when you open up that door, my friend. And one of those things, which can happen, is you find both of you still have feelings for each other. You may be thinking “Wow! This is awesome?” Whoa! Hold on cowboy. What about your present life.

Are you in a relationship now? If so, is it worth opening up Pandora’s Box? Ask yourself: “Is your current relationship worth risking?” Once you open that door, then you may end up getting bitten twice. You take that chance, just to find out if your ex still loves you or not.

Ask yourself: “Is she or he worth the risk?” Are you prepared for the answer? Are you prepared for the possibility of your current partner finding out? After all, it may be a life altering experience. If it doesn’t go the way you had hoped; you just may have two people who don’t love you.

This is when you need to have a heart to heart with yourself. Is it really worth bringing up something that is supposed to be behind you? That person is your ex, and they are your ex for a reason. Whether, you broke it off or the other person did. The main point is you’re not together anymore; there is a reason for that.

So, when you are wondering does my ex still love me? Leave it at that, and just wonder. More than likely, if you try to find out, you will eventually find out again just why that person is your ex.

You say you do; however, do you really want to get your lover back? Well let me let you in on a secret. Sometimes getting a lover back can be as bad as getting a case of the gout back. The point is your lover is not with you for a reason, and getting that person in your life again may not be in the best interest for either of you.

Now you have to ask yourself ; what are the real reasons why you want your lover back. Do you really miss that person? Do you feel like you cannot go on in life without that person? Or is that you feel so lonely you would have anyone right now including your ex. The reason for that is because that person is convenient and it seems simpler than having to meet someone new.

Don’t feel bad, you are not the first person to feel like this. Matter of fact it’s completely natural for you to feel this way. Chances are, one person in each relationship that doesn’t make it feels this way. So it’s important for you to understand that and it’s ok; for you to feel this way.

Now if you want your lover back right now, you have been thinking of the good times. That is perfectly natural; however, think of the stuff that got under your skin. You know, all those times he left the seat up on the toilet, and you fell in afterwards. Or the times she could have cared less that you are sick, you have to take the trash out.

Now you have to weigh the good with the bad. Remember, the relationship did end, and you both agreed to go your separate ways. The reasons you guys broke up is because there was more bad than good. What makes you think things will be different? Do you think all the bad things are going to disappear? Do you think all the things that have been said are going to be forgotten?

Only you and your ex know what you have been through. The question now is do you want to go through this again? Do you really want to get your lover back? Perhaps, you do and then again you may not, when you really think it through. However if you decide you do, be sure and learn how to do it the right way.

If you’ve been dumped and you’re looking for ways to get ex back then I have to say that kicking and screaming, begging and pleading is not the best of ways to get ex back.  Instead you need to make sure you closely follow what I’m about to lay out for you.

Always one of the ways to get ex back involves appearing to be in control of yourself and not acting like a desperate and needy out of control victim. So, if you’ve been accused of being needy, then now is your chance to show them that you’re far from that.

It might be too late, but if it isn’t and your ex is simply talking about leaving, then as soon as they mention that they’re leaving, make sure you agree the breakup.  Sounds like the opposite to what you want, but if you let them go and you do it calmly and without drama, then your path to getting them back is going to be a lot smoother.
Once they’re gone, you’re going to have to do what the experts call ‘No Contact!’ That means just what it says.  The best ways to get ex back is always to make sure you’re not bombarding them with text messages and calls.  If your ex has heard nothing from you since they walked out, then it doesn’t make them forget you, it makes them miss and wonder what you’re up to.

Getting on with your life after they have gone is a crucial method to use when you’re trying to figure ways to get ex back.  Not only is this a good way to keep yourself busy, but it is also a great way to put things into perspective.  Nothing will help you with your judgment and confidence more than being in a social situation and having some fun with others, so get on with your life.

After you have given yourself some time to think and adjust, guess what, your ex has had the same amount of time to calm down and reassess their decision too.  You should have been out of contact with your ex for at least a month before you decide the time is right to make contact with them.

Phone them up and have a very short and casual conversation with them.  Ask for a meeting somewhere neutral, but don’t make it sound like a big heavy deal. Remember you are trying to find ways to get ex back, so no emotional manipulation.

At the meeting explain you’ve had time to think and you would like to apologize for any mistakes you’ve made.  Tell your ex your feelings for them haven’t changed and you would like another chance.  Always give your ex space to say what they think and how they feel, and listen carefully and sincerely to what they have to say.

Once you’ve said your peace, tell your ex that you’re going to give them time to think things through and then leave.

When all looks lost and you’re trying to figure out how to get back with your ex, one of the things you need to hold onto is that 95% of all relationships that look as if they’re well and truly over, need not be.  There is always hope, all it takes is for at least one person wanting to save the relationship and it can be saved.

The first key to figuring out how to get back with your ex is to leave your ex alone  for at least a month – if at all possible longer than a month will work even better.  So break all contact with them and give your ex plenty of time to think things through.

Often times in the heat of the breakup things get said and positions get taken that given time, are soon relinquished as reasoning takes over.  So if you want to get to the heart of how to get back with your ex then seriously, give yourself and your ex some time.

If you don’t allow for this space to think and you continue trying to push the issue to get your ex back before the time is right, then what will happen is that the more you push, the harder your ex will push back.  Remember, your ex has walked out on the relationship and clearly demonstrated that they need time to think and be left alone, give them that time.

If you’re worried that all looks lost because your ex is dating someone else, then you need to remember and hold onto the fact that a lot of rebound relationships just don’t last.  Chances are your ex is dating that person as a way to convince themselves that their relationship with you is really over.  However, just because they’re trying to convince themselves their relationship with you is over for good.  Guess what?  It doesn’t mean that it is.

It is a statistical fact that rebound relationships are fraught with difficulties and very rarely work because the person on the rebound is still emotionally connected to their ex.  So don’t waste a whole lot of time worrying about someone your ex is currently dating. 

The truth is getting your ex back is more about the two of you than anyone else, so make sure that you keep on top of your appearance, you’re not doing anything to alienate your ex and that you’re appearing in control and pretty soon you will have stopped wondering how to get your ex back, because they’ll be back with you.

A marriage in crisis is difficult to handle as it seems that what was once full of life is now suffering and on the brink of dying. When you are dating, new love seems to have a life of it’s own. Everything being so new feels like a new life has begun has the two of you have started a “new life” together.

When you get married, it seems like everything just falls into place and everything makes sense. When times get tough, though, and and the marriage begins to struggle it can seem like the new life is starting to get old and may die out. If you aren’t ready for your life together to die, your marriage in crisis may need to get C.P.R.

Get Counseling:

One of the most underutilized and overlooked opportunities for a marriage in crisis is getting marriage counseling. Marriage counseling will go a long ways towards helping you not only find resolution to your conflicts but will help the two of you find ways to grow closer together. Marriage counseling will help you be better able to understand each other.

Marriage counseling will also help you find better ways to express yourself in such a way that you don’t come across as attacking each other. It could very well be, though, that one of you has some serious issues that is putting your love and relationship at risk. For those issues you may want to get therapy on your own. It may be hard to do because you will have to swallow your pride but if you are serious about saving the marriage in crisis, you will want and need to do this.

Get Perspective:

For a marriage in crisis, one of the most important thing that needs to be done is to get some perspective on what is happening. This is one area that a marriage counselor will be helpful because it  will help you to look at things and situations from other perspective.

From where you are standing things may look pretty clear. However, once you are able to see from another angle, things that you couldn’t understand before may make a lot of sense. Getting perspectives from other angles and vantage points will really be helpful in helping you fully understand what is happening so that you can then save the marriage in crisis.

Get Resolve:

Once you have been able to get some perspective on the crisis at hand and are getting counseling, you will have a lot of information and ideas to go off of. Those will help repair the damage that is done IF you are able to act on it. Knowing is half the battle but no battle half fought was ever won.

If you see a drowning person and you not only know how to swim but know CPR and are trained in first aid, you may know everything you need to know to help save that person’s life. Will that knowledge save them? Only if it is acted upon.

The same thing is true with your marriage. It just takes you acting upon it and getting resolved the issues that were killing your marriage. A marriage in crisis can only be saved if you act to make things better.

If you find yourself saying, “I’m still in love with my ex” you aren’t alone. There are many who find themselves at the end of a long term romance or marriage still clinging to hope that they might bring it back. Just because it seems like things are darkest and that there is no hope doesn’t mean that there isn’t any. There is still a chance that what you had can come back even stronger. When you are saying “I’m still in love with my ex” and you want to get that love back it is going to have to come back stronger if it is going to last.

For those of you saying, “I’m still in love with my ex” you may have a desire to turn back the clock and bring back what was lost. Be careful what you ask for, you might just get it and have the same results.

Look carefully at the mistakes that was made in the past and find out not only why they were made, but why they were able to have the impact on your relationship they did. You need to be able to make a stronger foundation than you had before. You are going to have to try and start from ground zero. To get back together with the one you love, you are going to have to try and start all over again. Just find a way to do it better. Tell yourself, “I’m still in love with my ex, but I want it to be better than before.”

Try re-establishing a friendship. Take it slow. If your ex feels like you are trying to make things like they were, they may be resistant to it. Don’t push things, just let things take their course. If the two of you are supposed to be together, it will happen. Just let it happen naturally.

Think positively about it. Don’t let your ex see you crying or depressed about it. You want to try and make it look like you are a joy to come back to. If your ex sees that you are walking around depressed, they may decide that they don’t want to have that in their lives. If they see that for you life has gone on and you are happy they may want to join you in your happiness.

Try to think of what type of person you would like to be with. Do you think that they would want to be with that type of person as well? People want to be with happy people who can brighten their day and make them smile. People want to be with someone who makes them feel that they have a purpose and that they aren’t alone. Try to be someone that makes someone feel like that. Make your ex feel special by just being an encouraging friend.

If you make yourself valuable to your ex and are able to make them feel valuable you may have a chance to bring back lost love. You may also be making a foundation that will last forever. It is a good thing to say “I’m still in love with my ex.” It is an even better thing to try and make the foundation of that love stronger.

When all looks lost and you’re trying to figure out how to get back with your ex, one of the things you need to hold onto is that 95% of all relationships that look as if they’re well and truly over, need not be.  There is always hope, all it takes is for at least one person wanting to save the relationship and it can be saved.

The first key to figuring out how to get back with your ex is to leave your ex alone  for at least a month – if at all possible longer than a month will work even better.  So break all contact with them and give your ex plenty of time to think things through.

Often times in the heat of the breakup things get said and positions get taken that given time, are soon relinquished as reasoning takes over.  So if you want to get to the heart of how to get back with your ex then seriously, give yourself and your ex some time.

If you don’t allow for this space to think and you continue trying to push the issue to get your ex back before the time is right, then what will happen is that the more you push, the harder your ex will push back.  Remember, your ex has walked out on the relationship and clearly demonstrated that they need time to think and be left alone, give them that time.

If you’re worried that all looks lost because your ex is dating someone else, then you need to remember and hold onto the fact that a lot of rebound relationships just don’t last.  Chances are your ex is dating that person as a way to convince themselves that their relationship with you is really over.  However, just because they’re trying to convince themselves their relationship with you is over for good.  Guess what?  It doesn’t mean that it is.

It is a statistical fact that rebound relationships are fraught with difficulties and very rarely work because the person on the rebound is still emotionally connected to their ex.  So don’t waste a whole lot of time worrying about someone your ex is currently dating. 

The truth is getting your ex back is more about the two of you than anyone else, so make sure that you keep on top of your appearance, you’re not doing anything to alienate your ex and that you’re appearing in control and pretty soon you will have stopped wondering how to get your ex back, because they’ll be back with you.